What now?

You know how people use those sound machines to fall asleep? Just turn on the soothing sounds of frogs, or crickets, maybe a babbling brook and off to sleep they go. That is not me. If I hear nature I will not sleep but instead start to daydream.

No, I’m the girl who uses the OTHER setting on those machines, the one usually titled “traffic” or “city.”

I can’t help it, I love the sounds of traffic, car horns, ambulance sirens, and they lull me to sleep.

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to move to New York, even though I’d never been there.

A favorite movie growing up, and still today, is Baby Boom staring Diane Keaton. God I love her! If you’ve never seen the movie, it’s an 80s classic. 80’s powerful career woman in NYC inherits a baby girl from deceased cousins in England. She decides to move to Vermont and own a house in the country. Hilarity ensues as you see the city woman trying to adjust to country life.

I never understood why she moved.

My mother would watch and say, “Wouldn’t that be fun to live in the country?”

And I remember thinking, no not really. It looks cold and lonely and spread out. What if she needs a sandwich at 2 a.m.?

Well, I finally made it to NYC for a whole day and a half. I thought I’d be able to have fun and maybe it won’t be as amazing as I’d hyped it up to be. You know how when you’ve only seen something on TV you can be sorely disappointed?

I wasn’t disappointed.

And now I’m left wanting to move there more than ever. I thought maybe I could get my masters and PhD at a school there, but the only one is NYU and that’s 50k a year. I don’t know about you but the whole point of a PhD is so that I can hopefully earn 50k a year, not live in debt the rest of my life.

So now what? Well I wish I knew! I’m such a planner, I like to know exactly what is going to happen and how and when and with whom and when one thing goes awry I go into damage control mode. And that is where I am right now, trying not to stress myself out but failing miserably!

I'm going to have to just suck it up, and admit defeat that I cannot change everything just yet. Guess it's time to just enjoy the ride, against my will!